Hi everyone.
Mommy recently listened to a sermon by Paul Washer on dating and I thought I would listen to it and write about some of the things Mr. Washer brought up and my thoughts on the issue. The first thing that I will say is that the way our society usually goes about dating and finding spouses is wrong.
In our day and age many people do not value purity but instead run around having "fun" by having sex with many people outside of marriage and freely giving their bodies away in the name of "fun". The purity of a young man or woman is to be prized highly. When you have sex with people outside of marriage you are not only disobeying God but you are destroying yourself and throwing away your purity which you will never be able to gain back.
In our society boys, (realize I said boys not young men,) do not treat girls with the respect that they should be shown. Girls do not treat their own purity with high esteem as they should and instead are willing to give their bodies to almost any "cute" boy that asks to date her. Boys in our society go to a girl or have a friend go to the girl and do not care what the girls father says about whether or not they should be in a relationship together. Fathers have the duty to protect their daughters and this means that any boy wanting to have a relationship with a girl has no business talking to a girl until he obtains permission from her father. This is something that is very important but is rarely given attention to in our society.
Okay, I said a little bit of what was wrong with our society's view of dating but I will share a little of what my thoughts are in how it should be done.
First. When a boy or a girl starts thinking about wanting to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that does not mean that they are not ready to be in a relationship. It means that they need to start preparing themselves for marriage. Young men need to start preparing to lead a family spiritually, physically, and economically. And learn how to care for his future wife and children. A young woman needs to start preparing herself for taking care of a household, raising a family, caring for her husband, and learning what it takes to be a good wife and mother.
No girl should be in a position that boys think it is okay to approach her and ask to go on a date in the first place. It should be obvious that a girl's father will not let any boy close to his daughter without first getting his permission to even talk to his daughter in a way that is any different than a usual friendship. It should be obvious that a father cares about his daughter enough to protect her purity for both her sake and her future husband's.
A young man should have the integrity and boldness to go to a girl's father and ask if he may begin to court his daughter. If the father says no the answer is no for at least now. In the case of Paul Washer his wife's father had said "no", but then Mr. Washer submitted to him and did not start a relationship with Charro. Later the father ended up saying yes to Paul courting his now wife Charro because Paul showed that he was willing to submit to him as the authority over his daughter. If the father however says yes it then goes to the daughter to consider. The father goes to the girl and asks her to think about it and pray about it but if the girl says no, the father than goes back to the man and tells him that they have decided that he is not allowed to court his daughter. But he should never say that the daughter said "no" so that the girl is not seen as the "bad guy". The girl should never be put in the position to say no to a young man.
It is the father's duty to not only protect her purity but her emotions as well. I remember the story of Scott Brown's daughter and son-in-law in the movie "Return of the Daughters". In their story, which I really enjoy, Scott had his now son-in-law Peter write essays on different issues. I think this a great thing to do since the man will one day be the spiritual leader of your daughter. After I think 7 months Peter was allowed to talk to Scott's daughter, Kelly. Until the young man is given permission by the girl's father the girl has no idea that the boy is interested in her. So that if the father says no the young woman has not grown fond of the young man.
Once a father says yes to a young man courting his daughter the man and young woman should be given the ability to get to know each other and have some time maybe even semi-privately to be able to talk. They in no way should be allowed to be behind closed doors without supervision but talking in another room with an open door that is very visible where parents are able to come in and out whenever they see fit is fine. I, as a girl with many younger siblings, understand the desire to be able to have some time alone with a potential suitor apart from brothers and sisters so that you can focus more on the conversation at hand but never without the knowledge and close protection and supervision of parents.
After a young man and woman are engaged, which the man also needs to ask permission of the father to do, they should not be allowed to act as if they are married since they are in a relationship and are promised to marry each other but they are not yet married. Since I am the oldest child at home I will probably be the first one to court so we do not know what all the rules will be but I do know that both my purity, and the purity of my future husband will be protected no matter what.
Some may think that I think that arranged marriage is how people should find a husband. While I do see that in Scripture a father picks the girl's husband. I do not think that it is wrong for a girl to decide whether or not she would like to marry a man that her father has brought to her attention. I do not know what families will decide to do for their own sons and daughters but I do know that Christian families should not follow the path that our society is taking in regards to dating and courting.
We are to be separate from the world and fathers are supposed to protect their daughters and sons. One way that they do this is protecting their purity and emotions as they take the journey from a child to a young man or woman that is ready for marriage. These are just a few things that I have heard on this subject. There are many good resources and I would encourage you to listen to some of Paul Washer's sermon on the subject.
Prayer
Jon Barros posted that 6 women chose life yesterday. Another baby was saved in the last couple of days. Many babies are being saved from abortion mills around the country. Please be praying for those who are involved in abortion ministry around the world. Pray that they would stay safe as they do this ministry and that babies would be saved. Pray that more than anything they would boldly proclaim the Gospel and that God would grant people repentance and faith. Please continue to pray for those who are involved in the wicked business of abortion that God would open their eyes to the truth of the Gospel. Please pray that abortion will soon be abolished around the world!
In the light of North Korea's recent actions please pray for the salvation of Kim Jung Un and his citizens. Pray for the Christians in the country as they are persecuted for their faith. Pray that they would be comforted in their time of trial.
With love in the Lord,
Virginia
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