Courting, Dating, And Purity, Revisited

Hi everyone,
I know have written a post about courting, dating and purity, before but I think the subject is so so important that even Christians can benefit from looking at this issue again, checking ourselves to make certain that we are striving to glorify God in all of our lives, including our relationships with potential suitors.

I have seen how twisted our culture's view of dating and marriage is, and sadly the world's views on dating often pollute relationships between Christians. Secular culture has no basis for morality in their worldview and choose to do what they believe is "fun", throwing purity out the window, and ruining people's lives in the process. It is rare for fathers to protect their daughters from young men. Young adults protecting their purity is rare. This is what the world does. You may think Christians are doing better but I believe that even Christians can fall into dangerous and destructive habits in the area of relationships.

One issue is being too physically intimate with someone of the opposite gender before marriage. I understand that people who like each other want to touch each other. I assume most young adult females desire to have the physical touch of a male, and vice versa. However, the physical desire to have the touch of someone of another gender, must be brought under control and it is not something that should be satisfied by your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" .

"Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh."

Romans 13:13-14

Physical touching beyond the limits of a mere friendship with someone of the opposite sex, must be kept to the correct confines, family and marriage. I am totally okay with a girl holding her father's hand or arm, or hugging and kissing her father and mother, in a manner that is pure. However constantly holding hands, sitting on the lap of, or hanging off of a young man, feeds a desire for physical intimacy that can lead to further contact which can lead to sin. While it may not always lead to sin it is a temptation that should be avoided.

I am one who believes in the biblical command of a holy kiss and I will hug friends who are males. However if a holy kiss is practiced by a person, the manner in which they kiss someone that they are in a relationship with, must not be different than the way they would greet another person of the opposite gender. A manner of greeting people should also not be more intimate with someone of the opposite gender, then with a person of the same gender. We must make sure that we act in manner that is pure toward all of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

While the Bible does not say "you shall not hold hands" any physical touching between young adults can cause great temptation. Romans talks about not putting a stumbling block in the way of a brother. When a young woman or man is in a relationship with another person, it is extremely dangerous to excite sensual desires. The act itself may not be sinful but it can be unwise and dangerous. One touch can lead to another touch and soon you may find that you have gone farther than you thought you would or what is appropriate.

In relationships we must also guard our emotions. Saying things to someone you are dating and courting that you think would be inappropriate to say to another person, should be avoided. Such as saying "I love you." That is fine to say. We are to love those who are in the body of Christ, as brothers and sisters in the Lord. However, it is different if the only person you say "I love you" to, is someone you are in a relationship with.

When you are in a courtship, you are preparing yourself for marriage and seeking to make sure that the person you are courting is the one that God has for you to marry. You should always treat each other with all purity as a brother or sister in Christ. (If you are Christian and the person you are courting or dating is not your brother or sister in Christ, I have one piece of advice, stop courting/dating them.) When a young man shows interest in a young woman, that excites a girl's emotions. The young man, the girl's parents, and the girl herself, must be very careful to protect the girl's emotions. One way to not excite thoughts for someone of the opposite gender is to guard your mind from things can lead to inappropriate thoughts. Do not read romance stories or watch a lot of movies with false romances. Do not talk with your friends about how "cute" a person is. In our culture people put too much focus on looks. Talking about how a person looks can lead to sensual desires for a person that we should be treating with all purity.

If a man really cares about a girl he is in a relationship with, he will look out for her future even if he does not marry her. He will seek to guard her in any way he can, and protect her heart from wrong feelings. He will be fiercely protective of her, and protect her from other men who would try to treat her inappropriately, not just because he thinks she is "his" but because he cares for her well being and loves her with all purity. Any brother in Christ who really loves his Christian sisters should try to protect a girl from a man who is treating her in an inappropriate way. The man should also have a good relationship with a girl's father who is her primary protector.

Make sure that even if you are courting a person, your life does not revolve around the other person to the extent that you would be lost if for some reason the relationship must end. Our primary goal in life should be seeking to glorify God. Make sure that you do not give your heart away to a person prematurely. If for some reason you do not marry the person you are courting, have you already given them your heart, your emotions, or your body?

A young man should honor a young woman with all purity as a sister in Christ, a young woman should honor a young man as a brother in Christ.

"Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity."

1 Timothy 5:1-2

Part of what a young woman should do in order to honor her brothers and to avoid putting a stumbling block in front of them, is dressing modestly. I do not say that every woman needs to wear dresses as I do in order to be modest. The Bible does not say that women must wear dresses, that is a personal decision. However, dressing in tight pants and shirts which show off every part of your body is inappropriate. It is a man's job not to lust after a woman. It is woman's job to make sure she is not dressing in a way to purposefully show off her body to men, thus leading them to lust after her. A man should be attracted to a woman because of her character and her love for the Lord, not because of what she looks like. 

The most important thing that we can do in a relationship is to strive to follow biblical principals, to glorify God, and to help our brothers and sisters in Christ to grow in their relationship with God. If you are in a relationship try asking yourself these questions:

"Is the way I act around this person and the way I treat this person, glorifying to God?"

"Am I seeking to build this person up as a brother/sister in Christ, or am I in this relationship to satisfy fleshly desires?"

"Am I tempting this person to sin and putting a stumbling block in their path by the way I act?"

"Am I concerned about protecting the other person's emotions or am I arousing their emotions in a dangerous way?"

Think about this; if you do not marry the person you are courting or dating, will the way you have treated them harm a future relationship they may have?

Your purity is precious. Exciting emotions and sensual desire is dangerous. Glorify God in your relationships.

With love in the Lord,

Virginia

God's Double Agent And Persecuted Christians

Hi everyone,
Recently our family read the book "God's Double Agent" by Bob Fu. This book is the amazing true story of a Chinese Christian. He was a "double agent" being a Christian and preacher in the underground house church and a teacher at a communist school. He spent two months in a Chinese prison for his faith. He had secret agents watching him. He and his wife had to escape from China because... well, you will just have to read the book to figure out why he had to do that.

Brother Fu now lives in the United States where he is founder and president of China Aid.

I had the privilege of meeting Brother Fu, last month at a conference we attended. We also had the privilege to have the Lord's Supper with him. We should honor such brothers in the faith, who have endured even prison for the sake of Jesus Christ.

For more information about our persecuted brothers and sisters, please visit China Aid and Voice Of the Martyrs. 

Visit www.vomadvance.com to find a Voice Of The Martyrs conference near you, where you can learn more about what our brothers and sisters go through as they strive to serve God in their countries.

This is a very good song which was written by Gilbert Hovsepian, a Christian from the Middle East whose father was a martyr. "Send Me Out"
This is another song entitled "I Forgive You" also written by Gilbert. He wrote it to those who killed his father. Gilbert himself was also persecuted for his faith. May Gilbert's testimony of forgiveness serve as an example to all of us. May we love those who persecute us, pray for them, and realize that apart from the saving grace of God, we too would still be dead in our sins hating God.

I realize I said that we should love those who persecute us, implying that we will be persecuted. Some may object but this is the teaching of Scripture.

"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,"

2 Timothy 3:12

"Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours."

John 15:20

One thing that is to be considered is this: Are you following Jesus Christ in such a way that the world identifies you with him, and thus hates you because you are so closely acquainted with the God they hate, whose Word they despise? If not, then examine yourself and beg God to conform you more to the image of His Son. 

May we all seek to be so close to Christ that the world knows that we love Him, and that we are willing to lay down our lives for His sake, and let that be the thing that makes them hate us and persecute us.

Christians around the world are sitting in prison, being tortured and killed for their faith in Christ. These are your brothers and sisters. Will you let them suffer in silence? Will you let them serve alone? 

Pray for your brothers and sisters, pray for their persecutors, pray that God's kingdom would expand through persecution.

"the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church" 

~Tertullian

"Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body."

Hebrews 13:3

With love in the Lord,

Virginia